ferocity?

am i ferocious? as in, garang?

me thinks so not, but i am wronged by 20 induction kids who insisted that i am garang. it bugged me, like, is that how people who work with me feel about me?

one friend said i was just being firm. but garang?

really?

may be they are kids. i mean the people i met during induction. it's kinda annoying but i let it go when they said the prime reason i am still unattached is due to my garang-ness. i felt a slight increase in temperature but i smiled anyway...it's important not to lose one's cool in situations like that.

arrrgh. kids say the darnedest things.

yes, the enemy is me

it can't be that obvious. but going for subtlety when in actuality i really yearned for immediate impact, that's rather hypocritical of me.

i don't know if i'm going the right way or if this is gonna be fruitful in anyway at all, but persistence is the key (?). to be honest, i don't know how this works. but one gotta play well without knowing the rules.

ALFRED TENNYSON:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

i can't believe i am feeling the urgency, now, out of all times. but may be i have a good reason for that. no pressure. i guess it's something that i want for me.

just dance?

i can't dance. more like wood when i try any fancy moves. we are having this silly fun fest to close the induction program and i can't dance to save my life. one of them actually said, i think i understand now why you become a petroleum engineer.

siot.

out of place

after 12 days of being here, i know that i often feel the loneliest when i am around many people.

3 years are more than enough difference

being here i felt the stark difference between people who are 3 to 5 years younger than me. i can't relate to certain jokes. i find myself smiling to conversations because i don't really know how to interject into them.

don't tell me it is due to generational difference already. but i don't think i should laugh at every sentence,right?

headache

activities involving me being blindfolded give me headaches. i guess i could only close my eyes when i am asleep or after i'm dead.

finished!

i finished malcolm x's book last night at 3am. i've started on guha's india before gandhi today. i think most people find books freaky, especially history books. i was reading it, sitting on the floor with my legs crossed engrossed in the small type fonts, when my team members poked me around asking what it is that you're reading and when i told them so they had this look which was disbelief and they shook their heads.

i am a hermit who lives in my own head. and i like it.

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

read INTJ, rational portraits of the masterminds and personality test.

you can quiz anything these days. but i think that's me.

the need to disclaim

i must have too much time, idly, that i could blog this often in a day. gmail is sick. i cant even send an email with 25kb attachment.

enough obsession. this must be a sign of age, me thinks. but anyway, induction is so far so good. the participants are a great bunch, well the course itself is so so but i really don't want to spoil the mood. it's jovial.

makes me think that a lot of people are lonely that some shared details, in moments of great sorrow, managed to slip past personal defenses.

it came with a disclaimer, i only share this here. in this circle, not with everyone. memories betray me and i don't want to feel any more pain. i don't want to be reminded.

more wishing

i don't know why am i having an anxiety attack over this. i don't know what is the urgency about. i don't even know why am i taking this so seriously, completely disregarding that the other person might not feel the same way.

i wished, i wished life had been much more simpler than this. for all the confidence that i possess, i know now where it hits the wall.